It's Hard to Say Goodbye.

The semester is over, and here I am sitting in an airport getting ready to make my way back to my sunny California (yup, even in the wintertime). Back where my mom’s waiting to watch movies and eat junk-food with me while we unpack my things, where my dad and I will crack jokes night and day, where my brother will be gaming/working/partying 24/7, and where all my high school friends are a drive away.

You’d think I’d be thrilled to be going back here. Well..to an extent, yes, of course I am. I’m excited for spending the Christmas season with people I love. But this transition has its down sides as well. This past semester, a new group of people nuzzled their way into my heart.

I started hanging out with a new group of friends this semester. And I love them. It’s been a while since I’ve made friends who I really care about; who I trust and who I can depend on. Who would let me lounge around their suite until the wee hours of the morning just because I didn’t want to be alone in my room. Who trusted me popping their zits. Who came to see the play almost every night. Who would let me squeeze the bejeezus out of their hands while some girl drove a needle through my nose. Who would offer to give me a ride to the airport and leave a whole hour earlier just so I could make my flight. I mean these people just let me sit with them at lunch out of nowhere. It’s really an irreplaceable feeling to have friends that care about you. I didn’t really have that until this semester, and I found myself super dismayed by the idea of leaving them for home. Especially because one’s leaving for TWO semesters starting in January for London and then going to Chicago in September.

Last night a few of us had a slumber party in the suite and fell asleep to talking about our future kids names like we could any other night,

except that it was Jessica’s last night with us.

My alarm went off in the morning and I hated myself for putting my phone all the way by the window the night before. It was a gloomy, rainy day. I went back to sleep because no one was up yet, and didn’t wake back up until JUST BEFORE Jess left. We all hugged her goodbye, but it’s always harder to see someone walk away than to actually say goodbye to them. Right when the door closed behind her the tears ambushed me. This really took me by surprise. I NEVER CRY. Never for events that happen in real life, anyway. We all ran to the window and knelt there like puppies watching until she drove away with her hand out the window. It’s weird to think about the fact that someone who has become an essential part of my daily routine for the past three months I won’t be seeing much of at all for the next couple years. I'm really gonna miss her a lot. But how exciting does that sound?! A whole eight months somewhere completely different! That takes some serious courage. And the things she's going to learn and experience! I'm really excited for her :)

Well, now I’m back at home, just sort of moping around,

but seriously enjoying doing nothing.

This past semester was just such a stress-fest!

Time to sit back and relax :)

There & Back, Again.

So...I’ve really been putting off writing this entry, could you tell? I feel like once I’ve finished writing it, this crazy wonderful period of my life will be closed. People will no longer feel the same energy they once felt when bursting out into random songs about paradoxes and pirates. The secrets of the show that once connected us have all been revealed, and what’s left? A recording of some college’s performance of The Pirates of Penzance, and a few good memories.

Well, I guess I’d better share those with you then--

This play was a blasty blast if I've ever experienced one. I’ve never felt more strong or powerful or beautiful in my life; which I think is kind of remarkable considering I was a 47-year old nurse-pirate wench.

I made some new friends,

got to wear the most awesome costume ever

(complete with extra boobs and two extra butt pads

which people squeezed for good luck),

had my mother come visit and see me perform,

sang and performed for a full audience in a lead role

(check that off my bucketlist!!),

became a better singer,

and laughed the entire time.

What a great looking bunch of people :)

I think one of the most amazing parts was singing a solo onstage. I can’t even describe the intensity of it. All I can remember is complete silence in the auditorium - except for my own voice - which everyone was there to listen to. Now that is a crazy thought. The stage lights blinding me when I looked into the audience only made it seem that much more surreal. It was such a special moment. But the best part was the fact that there were so many people there; this show meant SO much to me, and the fact that I got to share it with them just made me want to cry, I was so happy. I literally loved every person who came, especially the people who were important to me. One of my friends came and saw it three of the four nights, my choir conductor, who knew I had been working my ass off for this thing, came and said she was blown away, my mother flew out from California to see it, and another friend of mine said he wasn’t going to be able to make it, then surprised me by coming to the last performance. All these people made the show worth doing every night, and I’m more happy to have shared those few nights with them than I would be if I got to spend my whole life onstage.
Here’s one of the recordings -- its the opening of the show. I think the whole first act is online if you've got an extra 45 minutes to spare ;)
It’s funny - Recently, I’ve been asked many times why I perform, and every time I find it an extremely difficult question to answer. Normally, I say I do it for myself, but, I think this production has led me to thoroughly enjoy acting as a means of connecting to people in the audience.Theater has the power to largely impact people; I’m entranced forever and a day by performances I see, here in Chicago (which is why I am so sad not to have seen any theater this whole semester!!). I know exactly how it feels to leave a show and be mesmerized by an actor’s performance, or concepts of the show, or even something as simple as a single line in it. And to be the cause of that mesmerization, to actively stimulate someone’s mind other than by simply stating an obvious truth, I think, is an incredible power.
On the other hand, when I say I perform for myself, I mean that I love it because performing the most awesome way to explore human capacity. Think of all the emotions you’ve ever felt in your life. Now think of all the different ways of expressing those emotions. THERE ARE TRILLIONS! The one regret I would have were I to die this very instant would be that I didn’t know everything I’m capable of doing or experiencing. You’re probably asking, “Well, why don’t you go do the real thing, then?” Truthfully, I’m scared. Who in their right mind thinks it’s easy to tell people how you really feel about them? Or that you get the chance everyday to bitch out the person you loathe? Or to lie straight to someone’s face to get what you want? And who in the hell actually gets to experience love at first sight anyways? Acting gives us the opportunity to explore such rare human emotions, for the most part, without consequences.
Well, now I'm getting side-tracked. Anyways, here’s to the amazing performance, a great cast, and many more memories to come!

Coming Soon.

Do you ever think about how powerful the human mind is? I do. It’s crazy intense. They say we only use 10% of our brain...I don’t know whether to believe this or not, but if it is true, HOW SCARY IS THAT?

I’ve often tried to think of ways the other ninety percent could be used and can honestly think of a time or two when I tried to telepathically ask a friend what answer she put for a test question and/or lift my shampoo in the shower. For some reason, it would seem to me that anyone who could access that unknown 90% of their brains must be either a super genius (in which case that 90% would be used towards gaining and retaining knowledge) or crazy enlightened and be some kind of demi-god (in which case the 90% would be used for some kind of...I don’t know...emotional intelligence?)

Such are the thoughts that plague me in my statistics class today.

In other news, the play is just around the corner! Nine days to opening night, to be exact. Rehearsals are getting to be insanely stressful and demanding. Usually rehearsals are exhausting because you’re pulling up all types of different emotions and trying to make them seem new and normal even though they’re obviously preconceived. But this isn’t the exhausting part of this play. The most exhausting part of this play is that it’s a freaking musical. Don’t get me wrong, that’s my favorite part about it. The songs are so catchy and really hysterical, but they just require SO. MUCH. ENERGY. And the problem is if you get caught up in the energy (which normally you would do in a play because it motivates your character)...you can’t sing! Which is a problem because a musical consists of mostly - you guessed it - songs.

Here is a photo of the menacing pirates!

4ever - The Veronicas

I am ridiculously excited for this show, no doubt. But I’m also scared shitless...we have nights where we’re fantastic, but then there are nights (like tonight) where we crash and burn. You’d think that by rehearsing more we’d be getting lines and actions and dances down a little better, but every rehearsal, I can just feel my energy level plummeting! Do you want to hear the saddest part of all this? I haven't had a sip of coffee in over a week!

(This is the part where you gasp hysterically.)

For you singers out there, I learned last year that coffee is one of the worst things to drink if you're going to be singing.

Rumor Has It - Adele

I’m sure it’ll all come together, but its still terrifying. Oh and because I don’t think you know this yet, my mother is coming out! (AHHHH!) Last year my dad came out to visit me around this time, but this year my mom's making the trip and since I’m in Pirates, she just decided to come out during the weekend of the play and see me in it...which only adds to the terrifyingness of it all!

Sugar, We’re Going Down - Fall Out Boy

It's starting to get a little chilly here, in eastern Illinois...



...and being from California, this is very unusual. Cold days in California are around 60 degrees and usually series of them last no more than a few days. Cold days in Illinois, so far have been 40-something and we're in that weird transition period from WARM 60 degree weather to MEDIOCRE 40 degree weather...



It's been this way long enough for me to realize that the warmth I'm used to probably isn't coming back anytime soon.


As horrible as being cold sounds, and sometimes is, chilly weather has always weirdly enticed me.

It gives people a reason to bundle up and be cozy and comfortable. It gives us a reason to snuggle up with a warm blanket, hot cocoa, and a nice book (when we have time to do this, of course). It gives people a reason to cuddle with a significant other, or if you're like me and single, their moms. For some reason, the cold weather to me has some kind of romantic connotation, not in the lovey-dovey sense, but in the fanciful, adventurous, idealistic sense. It's funny that Fall is only just beginning and here I am talking about the Christmas season, ha. More on that later, I guess.

The Cave - Mumford & Sons

Things that are attempting to keep me motivated in these next few weeks:

Seeing my mom NEXT WEEK!
This is us back in New York

My awesome roommate:

Quickie fact about her -- she’s Mormon and just decided she’s going on her mission for 18 months starting next year when she turns 21!! :)

Sail - AWOLNATION

My adorable dogs waiting for me back home:
This is Lucy and her new favorite toy she carries with her everywhere.

This is Tiger, Mom, and Lucy.

This awesome song. I’m sure you’ve probably heard it, but for the sake of you listening to it now and hopefully being relieved of some pressure as well, here it is. Give it a listen, it may do you just the good you need :)