5/29/12

Another Life.

Okay, enough with the sappy stuff for a while. Seriously, I need a mental break from emotions for now, let's stick with facts and actions, shall we?

Well, I'm back at home in good ol' California and am soaking up the sun like it's my JOB. I am for sure going to have the best tan of my life when I am back in Chicago. Need to show off my naturally browning skin, haters gonna HATE. 


Speaking of jobs, I have both successfully quit my job at Johnny Rockets (praise the lord) and acquired a new job at Osh Kosh B'Gosh in the same shopping center (...awwwwk). Oh well. I should be starting this week sometime, though it's been a little unclear on my boss' part when exactly that will be. 

My dad was also nice enough to buy me a CAR for the summer so I can cart myself around without being an inconvenience to anybody else. It's a 2008 Honda CR-V EX-L, and is a beaut. I am still think of names for her...though it may yet be a him, I haven't quite decided yet.


I just hope this whole job business doesn't take over my life like it did last summer...I earned a ton of money and was never bored, that's for sure, but all the summer fun was sucked away! Well, I'll keep you updated on how the job turns out...my first time in retail! I hope it isn't as bad as most people say. After what I went through last summer, though, I can't really imagine anything worse. 

I'm also going to be a youth theater camp counselor for a six-week period sometime this summer, during which time I'll be working nights at OKB...I'm seriously going to be a zombie during this time...not really sure how I'll be functioning. I am SO excited about this camp though. It's essentially the exact kind of work I hope to be doing at my internship and/or in my career at some point, though this is a little less professional than I envision it to be. For five weeks, the kids do various theater workshops from 9-3 and rehearse for a play they present at the end of the camp. I'm not exactly sure what my tasks will be, but I'm so excited to be doing something theater-related for this summer!!

I also hope to be doing a lot of writing with my free time. First and foremost, this blog needs a major revamping, though I don't know if I can promise as consistent updates as I hoped to. I also have a couple ideas for some short novels I've started working on, but they're still in the very beginning stages. I should really make some kind of daily writing goal for myself to really keep it up. 



So I guess things have kind of fallen into place rather nicely so far at home. I'm going to soak in this scrumptious relaxation period for as long as I can until things start to seriously pick up!


5/22/12

As One Door Closes...

I have this horrible habit of putting off writing posts that are about things that are difficult for me to let go of. For this one, it's been really hard to think of the right words to say. So instead of thinking about some elaborate and structured way in which to write them, I've decided just to write it all out. All the facts. I know I have a pretty amazing year ahead of me, with Chicago, London, and Florence coming, but in order to get there, there are a few things I'll have to overcome first.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but many of the friends I made this past year in college were seniors - some of the best. They're all wonderfully passionate, driven, loving, inspiring, and welcoming people.

Oh lordy, here I go crying again. The littlest things have been setting me off lately. I cried almost the whole drive home from the airport. The latest glee episodes about graduation - forget about it. I used to take a little pride in the fact that my emotions were so under control until I realized that expressing emotions is healthy and relieving. It makes me feel like I'm actually a living, breathing human.

This is what those seniors have helped me realize. That a living, breathing human has emotions. They have wants and needs, passions and pursuits, family obligations and personal desires, and it's okay to express those - all of those. It's okay to have those all at the same time and be one, whole, unique person. Sure, sometimes you have to be a bit of a different person to different people, but that's just the way people communicate. You don't need just ONE way of defining yourself. In fact, that's unhealthy. The more open you are to new people and new experiences, the more you rid yourself of stereotypes and impressions and, overall, I think that makes you a happier person.

I got the tattoo. It's on my foot, and yes, it was very painful. I was delusional for most of it, actually. I'm sure my friends will be making fun of me forever and a day: my cussing them out one second, and telling them how much I love them in the next. The funny thing is that I really, really meant it. Not the cussing, the love, of course. The pain and momentousness of the occasion I never would have been able to endure without them there giving me the support and courage I needed to get it. No, I didn't get it for them or to prove anything to anybody, except myself, I guess. The tattoo I got for reasons only me, myself, and I can explain. But one of those reasons is most definitely the commemoration of my love for these people and of our comradeship. It's a symbol of how grateful I am to them for giving me courage that everybody needs throughout their lives. It's that courage we pull out when faced with confrontation about our identities. The courage that makes us stand up and say "I am who I am and I'm proud of that." I'll think of that every time I look down at this image on my foot, and can guarantee that there's no way in hell I will ever stop striving to achieve my goals and dreams or to becoming the caring, whole-heartedly loving people who inspired me everyday this year.

They've now graduated, and one by one, we each said our painful goodbyes. I can remember each one clear as day, and they still hurt. It hurts to think about the fact that we'll all be scattered across the states next year, and it hurts to think about the fact that I don't know when I'll see them again. But still, I know we will see each other again. Life is long, and certain people come into our lives at certain times to help us in ways we didn't expect. And even though they leave, we carry them with us in our hearts everywhere we go. They become a part of us and are present in the ways they've changed us.