12/13/12

Winding Down in the Windy City.

Things are starting to come to a close, y'all. It's pretty sad. I'm sorry I haven't kept you as "In the Loop" as I'd hoped. Jesus, where are all these puns coming from today? Seriously, I'm never this witty.

Anywho, here's the breakdown of notable events this semester:

1. CPS Shakespeare! and changing the lives of passionate young ones.
2. Making new close friends in the hostel and at work.
3. Seeing some remarkable theater (Sweet Bird of Youth, Sunday in the Park With George, Black and Blue Boys, The Strange Undoing of Prudencia Heart, School for Lies, Sister Act, Metamorphoses...I'm probably forgetting a couple.)
4. Going back to campus for choir and voice lessons. Seriously, saved my life this semester. Probably the best part of my week. I don't know what I'm going to do not singing all next semester and summer...my host family is probably going to get sick of me reals fast.
5. Making a Christmas CD with one Jessica Steele. If you are at all interested and would like a copy, please put your name and address in the comments section and I would be happy to mail you one.
6. Using public transportation...on some occasions.
7. Dressing all fancy shmancy for work.
8. PARTIES, of course.
9. Seeing the Chicago Christmasy changes.
10. Having my own room...however messy it may be.

I'm sure there's more, I just can't think of any right now. But it's been a fabulous semester, and I'm grateful for the things I've learned - about life and about myself. More on that to come, obviously. What is a good "I'm Proud of You" post without some philosophical mind-fuck shit?

For now, just get psyched because after Christmas break, what is to come, but...




EUROPE!

12/12/12

#Fail.

And of course, a day or two after that poem was written,
I chat with a nice, cute girl who works at Caribou Coffee for a while.

AND THEN JUST LEAVE.


God's just telling me I'm not prepared.

#youreanidiot
#makeamove

12/11/12

Somebody to Love.

My patience wears thin! Hurry up, time's a-tickin!
By the time you'll have found me, I'll be screamin' and kickin'
and begging you 'Please, pretty please, do not love me.'
I'll have waited too long for your descent from above me.

You're no track star, I see, nor any athlete by far
But I can't bear one day with my solemn guitar
Writing songs about meeting you and our perfect life;
A family and kids, a career, and a wife.

The hope I kept crest on the chaps of my lips
Will have blown far away as the lonely wind whips
them for shame to have thought they could feel anything
other than ashes and liquids that sting.

My soul aches to meet you, it knows that you're near,
Just circling around me - you'll miss me, I fear,
If you don't lift your gaze at just the right second.
I know your life's busy, but feel my heart beckon.

It'll haul up your sightline, buried deep in a stew,
and you'll stare at my chest wond'ring how you never knew
that 'twas me you were searching for - that beat in your head
you mistook for music was my heartbeat instead.

Then our eyes would meet, and eternity would pass
and crystallize our minds, immortalize us in glass.
No chill would I feel with your body in mine,
My arms wrapped around you, our fingers intwined.

Why should I go further, how is there a point?
When all these that stem from my dreams disappoint
Me? I want to just slap you and scream 'Here I am!'
And into you all seeds of love would I slam.

But how could I do that when your face to me
Is as fluid, transparent as waves in the sea?
And so I await you, patient and stubborn,
grasping at threads of love's dangling rope, worn.



11/17/12

"The Bard."

So I guess I should tell you a little bit about how Chicago is going, huh?

It's pretty fabulous, to say the least.

Chicago Shakespeare Theater is an incredible company. I work in their education department (consisting of three people year round, myself, and another intern), and the work they do their is ridiculously far-reaching, inspiring, and profound. Not to mention the fact that the people that work there are gems. Sometimes I wish they'd be a little more forward and vocal about their expectations of me (all I ever hear are positive things...even when I know I did something wrong...which concerns me a little...haha). But still, I think that shows how much they value me as a student who is committing 300 hours of free work to them. They've been great to me, and I hope I've been as much help to them as they have been to me.


Working here has given me three take-home messages.

One: Employers, even in prestigious institutions, can be friendly and understanding. I've had a few different bosses in the past with extremely different ways of treating their employees. One was a devastatingly innerly ugly person who I seriously thought was on her period every day of the year because she was such a raging bitch. Another shared way too much about her personal life, but was at least welcoming and liked me. Because of these different encounters with employers, I get super self conscious about the amount of information I share about myself in the workplace with supervisors and employers. But because my supervisors at CST are so friendly and hopeful that my experience there is valuable to me, we can joke around, share stupid stories about ourselves, and even make fun of how difficult the work we have to do is. They've seriously helped me to let my guard down so that I can learn about myself as an employee. And what I've learned is...

Two:  I am an awkward employee. Because of these old bosses, my first instinct when entering a business environment is that everything is strictly business. So I kind of seem like a pretentious bitch who only cares about getting shit DONE. I feel super awesome when I get shit done fast and well. And I'm proud of my work...I think of each thing I do well, my bosses see as an affirmation of why they hired me...and turning stuff in makes me feel like a puppy eager to be loved. If I show them the best work they've ever seen, of course they'll like me. But many daily tasks I'm given don't require much thought, so why would they say "Hey, I knew I was right to hire her" when I just give them a daily message? There are other, more normal ways to get employers to like you. Such as being personable and easy to talk to, which CST has super helped me with. I doubt I've helped them as much as they've helped me, and I hope I get to convey that to them without sounding too cliche.

Our Director, Kirsten Kelley

Three: I am not so sure Theatre Educational Outreach is for me...don't get me wrong, I've loved working here so much, but I think I need to interact with people more. For some reason, I feel more than ever that the line of work I go into has to have some element of changing peoples' lives directly; like, with my seeing the results. During the rehearsals with CPS students for Hamlet, the best days were when I got to work with a few students on their scene, or on projection, or on character interpretation. I witnessed their minds shifting, their incredible capacity for creativity, the power and passion they found in themselves onstage. Even with the limited interaction I had with them - I became so attached to and proud of each of them. Oh - OH, the tears that were shed on our last performance day, let me tell you.

Text Work on the Stage
Practice Fencing

The last student I said goodbye to was a girl I worked with on her projection - Kim. The most physically and vocally girly girl you'd ever meet. She played a man in several scenes, and the physicality and vocality of that she had struggled with through the whole process. Within the last few days of rehearsal, she approached me and told me that she should probably practice this. Since I have some background in singing and performance, I could hear the changes that she needed to make in the placement of her voice and we did all these weird random vocal things to adjust how her words sounded. The last thing I told her was to throw her voice to the "Exit" sign at the back of the hallway we were practicing in, and when she did, everyone in the hallway stopped talking and looked at her because that sound had NEVER come out of her voice before. They got excited too! She rocked the performance, of course, and when it came time to say goodbye, she hugged me and just started bawling. I started telling her how great she was in the show, how proud I was of her, and how she was going to use that voice we found to do amazing things in life. Then I started bawling. I don't think I could forget that. And I know there are few careers in life that allow you to make that much of an impact on somebody, but I think I could be good at that.

Kim (left) and Carmen (right)

My mom's a teacher - a seriously good teacher. For some reason, I decided that I didn't want to teach until later in life...I wanted (and still want) to explore things that wouldn't be open to me later in life, once I'm settled in a set career and family (maybe?). The ideal I see for myself is either diving into a professional work environment and getting on my way to becoming "Somebody," or traveling (A LOT). But like...the first would require me basically going up against the world on a breaking down struggle-bus, and the other would force me to live a life that financially and lonesomely I just can't see myself managing. For the longest time, I've seen so many professions -middle-class professions- as settling for something less than what people really wanted in life. But what happens when those are the things that truly make you happy? Is it really so terrible to rejoice in what society deems as "littler things?"

I feel a time coming, fairly soon, in which I'll have to recalibrate my expectations regarding happiness. And not realistically according to society, realistically according to MYSELF. It's kind of terrifying. But if I don't, society will see me as a success, and to an extent, so will I. But if my goal in life is happiness itself, I'll know I have failed.

10/24/12

I Didn't Go Outside Today.

Is that okay?

You know how usually, I'm all

"Make the most out of your life!"
"Commit to tons of shit!"
"Experience is everything!"

Well...yeah. Doing tons of shit and living life up is great, but not when every moment of it is go-go-go all the time. Having a lot to do gives you a lot of experience, but what is that worth if every minute you're experiencing, you're thinking of the next experience? Do you savor? Do you retain?

I like to think I'm a pretty thorough believer in Thoreau.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion."

Thoreau, you're a pretty vigorous, respectable kind of guy. But I think I have to alter my opinion from yours a little now.

If you front only the essential facts of life, what about all the whimsical details that fall off the beaten track? The ones that give you any sense or perception of what in the hell you're doing. You know what you're doing it for, but is the end result all that matters?

What is "not life?" Why not "resignation" on occasion? Not a minute is wasted so long as you breathe and intend to keep on breathing.

Why do we have to know how everything plays out? So we can come up with some calculated idea of how to succeed? People, friends, Thoreau - that's the mystery, the challenge, the BEAUTY of life! There are no answers. There are no truths. Do the best with what you've been given and strive for more, but don't expect anything in return. One good deed is not deserving of another. Your steps to success and happiness someday may not play out, so why waste time not being happy now?

And what good are your experiences if you are not wholly affected by them?


10/12/12

Coming Out Day!

One thing that never fails to amaze me about being openly gay is how many times you have to "come out." Seriously, people don't usually consider this, but think about it. Most people think that there is ONE day that you announce it to the world and suddenly, everybody knows. Not exactly the case, compadres. How is anybody going to know you're gay if you don't tell them?

Now, this is obviously an issue in the gay community, as well as in the straight. When is it appropriate to assume that someone is gay? Most of the time, you'd think you're able to tell when a man is gay. They all prance around in their high-fashion, skin-tight apparel. They all have splendid physiques. They all carry around cute messenger bags. But speaking to an article Artie recently wrote about being gay and that not meaning any of these things, and speaking to a post I've written before, this is WRONG. Sure it can be true, but it's not a requirement, people. I feel like with girls, it's even tougher to tell. Maybe that's just me, though.

Anyways, I'm getting off track. My point is that, at least for me, if I don't TELL people that I'm gay, people automatically assume I'm straight. I don't cut/die my hair in weird designs. I don't have a thousand piercings on my face. I don't wear only sports bras. If this is a part of my life I actually want to be open with people about, I have to tell them to get the message across. And just because you're "out" doesn't mean that everyone is going to respect that about you.

The part that always surprises me though, is the leading up to it. You're talking about a situation where you met someone who was gay, or you have a gay best friend, or some person that was your same sex was checkin' you out, whatever. They give their opinion on what happened, and then it's your turn. You start out, giving tons of detail and whatever, and eventually end up saying that it's a very personal topic to you because....

That's my favorite line. Because then, all you can ever hear is a mind-fucking, still, empty, deafening silence. Seriously, those few words leading up to it, it's like the other person is holding their breath, waiting for you to dump a pile of shit on them.

"Because I'm gay," or "Because I had a similar experience," you say.

And then, they think, "Holy fuck. I'm in the presence of a gay person. Shit. She's gay? I never would have thought...oh crap. I hope I didn't say anything offensive. Did I? Huh. I wonder what kind of girls she likes...I can't really picture her with a girl...I wonder if she's ever liked me. Ahh crap."

Not sure if all of that it what goes through everyone's minds every time, but I can guarantee you at least a few of them have crossed through every straight person's mind at least once.

Just my thoughts on this, one chilly Coming Out Day in Chicago.
Happy Coming Out Day, everyone.
I hope all you blessed little gays out there find the strength and love for yourself to let your true colors shine :)

10/7/12

Secrecy.

Tell me the secret.
It is always on your mind.
Divulge it to me.

I can't guarantee
That I'll lecture or listen.
I'm ready to catch.

That weight on your chest,
The sigh in your heart - silence.
Awaken it now.

It rakes within you,
Clenching your bowels, slashing
Your supple pink lungs.

Let it tremble free.
Wracking your body with sobs,
Battering your soul,

Let it burst into
oblivion. Release it -
And let me hold you.

The you, newly cleansed
Of this wretched plague - this famed,
Self-loathing evil.

8/15/12

Crazy Beautiful Life Cover.



Well, tomorrow is my last day at OshKosh. I had to say goodbye to my boss today because she's not working tomorrow. I almost cried -it's so sad saying goodbye to people who, even though you've only known them for a short while, have buried their way into your heart. This summer has been an interesting reminder of the fact that you can make friends anywhere, and keep them, too. Sure, multiple methods of communications help, but it's a wonderful feeling to know that in the multiple places I have established some sort of presence, there are people with whom I can keep in touch, people who will probably go off and do amazing things with their lives, including having touched mine.

8/14/12

LA LIVE.

Good morning and welcome to a live and waking Los Angeles. 9am, and people are already bustling about, getting to jobs, riding beach cruisers, grabbing their morning coffees. You know, it actually is a beautiful city. It's funny, I've lived in California my whole life, and I feel like I've never really done more than peek my head out the door of the few towns I've visited. Not that I really have a huge desire to live out here or anything, I'm just a little sad that I haven't really gotten a chance to appreciate my home state for all that it is. Maybe if I come back home next summer, I'll spend some more time in the city. It's about an hour away from my house, and I'd love to just walk around and explore for a while. Hey, maybe that's what I'll do today. I should probably explain why I'm even here in the first place.

My best friend from home, Ms. Katelyn Williams, attends USC (University of Southern California - go Trojans!) and she just moved into her fabulous apartment near campus. It's super sweet; there's a full kitchen, a flatscreen T.V. , and four bedrooms - and each one has it's own bathroom and shower! She's working at the Computer Science Center (I know, super nerdy right?) up until schools starts, which will be in a few weeks. We sort of have this unspoken pact that whenever we're both free, we're always together. Seriously, we've had many many talks about how lame our lives are because we plan out every day of every week and coordinate our schedules so we always know when we're going to hang out next. So, going along with this pact, we decided on my days off work, I would come stay with her out here! The only problem so far is that work schedules are tricky, tricky little devils. She usually works all week, and I work all weekend. :P Still, last night I got out here with time to go to dinner and help her set up her bed, WiFi, and cable (SCORE.), and this morning we got breakfast at Jack's and Joe's - basically the most heavenly place on earth. Anyways, she's at work now, and I have the day off, so while I'm sitting here in Starbucks trying to pass the time so traffic won't suck, I thought I'd write a blogpost...at the same time, it's a beautiful day, and I feel a little like exploring (despite the fact that I brought neither a brush nor any makeup for my overnight stay). I have my camera...maybe I'll take a peek around?....

....aaaaaand I'm back. So turns out, it' freaking HOT outside, and I didn't want to explore totally new territory for fear of getting lost, so I browsed the beautiful, and LARGE campus and snapped some photos :)











P.S. My job at OshKosh is pretty great. Up until this point, I've had decent hours (I love 4 and 6 hour shifts), made friends with practically everyone I work with...it's going to be sad when I leave, and I'm doing great on the cash register and with customer service :) It's a thousand and one times better than working at Johnny Rockets. Granted, I got way more hours there and made way more over the summer, ringing people up for clothes for 8 hours is way less tiring and stressful than running around like my head has been cut off. Yeah, MY head, not a chicken's.


That's Life Cover.


7/27/12

PRIDE.

Hey, remember me? 
I write this thing. 

Where did Summer go?! Sure, it's still July, but I mean...I go back to Chicago in less than 4 weeks, where I have recently procured an education internship at Chicago Shakespeare Theater...HOLY FREAKING CRAP, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? I'm sorry, I wish I could be more subtle about this, but I can't tell you how freaking stoked, relieved, and terrified I am. Guess I'll jump that fast-approaching hurtle when it gets here. 

In case you forgot, I'll be living in a hostel in Chicago this Fall, taking classes at a college downtown, and doing a two-credit internship. I've got the three best roomies in the world, our suite (complete with a full fridge, stove, and dishwasher!) will be decked out with tons of awesome, oh, and did I mention I'll be living IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO? Okay, again, I'm sorry for this visual freak out for your eyes, but I really am really excited :)


My most recent adventure this summer was this past weekend when I went to San Diego's Pride Parade and Festival with my lesbian aunt. I was actually pretty excited about it. My first gay outing "out." And it was pretty fun! Some highlights?

Military PRIDE!

Islander PRIDE!

This random guy Xan (pronounced "Zan") we met...

Catholics for Same-Sex Marriage!

Awesome Gay Dancers

Awesome Gay Dancers Part II

Superhero PRIDE.

Carrying the Giant PRIDE Flag.

Happy Pride :)
Happy Summer!

6/16/12

He is Mad Cover




He is Mad by Julia Nunes

Theme from New York, New York by Alfred Publishing
(No copyright infringement intended! For entertainment purposes only!)

6/14/12

Kiss Me Cover.




Kiss My by Sixpence None the Richer

I Know What I Am by Band of Skulls
(No copyright infringement intended! For entertainment purposes only!)

6/5/12

I'm Anti-Boredom.

So here I am, sitting on the floor in my room being bored and thinking about how bored I am when it comes to my attention that there are probably hundreds of thousands other people in the world who are just as bored as I am right now. Why not be someone to provide those people with something to do?

So for all of you who are also sitting on your lazy bums out there, looking for something to do (preferably something cheap), I have decided to share with you my list of things to do this summer. Any one of which I could probably be doing right now, but then again it is also 1 in the morning and I should probably be in bed anyways.

1. Learn about the Presidential Candidates
          -Bonus: You'll be doing your country a favor by making a valid, well thought-out decision on your ballot!

2. Have a Photoshoot.
          -Grab your closest gal-pal, choose some funky outfits and go to town!

3. Gang Garage Sale!
          -I have this philosophy that anything you don't use on a daily basis is of questionable occupancy in your life. My friends and I hold an annual summer garage sale, and I gotta tell you: it's the easiest, most refreshing, and ultra fun way to clear the clutter from your life!
          -Bonus: You get to make an extra hundred bucks or so!
          -Disclaimer: That extra hundred only comes in if you put out the goods ;) I'm not saying your Coach purse or favorite pair of shoes (unless you never use that Coach purse...and in that case, Ebay for sure), I'm saying the nice bike you bought three years ago that you've used once and it's just been hanging in your garage. Or the guitar you got as a birthday gift, only you are not musically inclined at ALL. :)

4. Long Boarding
          -Nothing like cruising in the setting summer sun.

5. PINTEREST CRAFTS!
          -Disclaimer: these can get to be mucho denero if you're not careful.

6. Choreograph a Dance.
          -This one has been on my list for YEARS. Seriously. I think I'm making some improvement though. The last time I went to the gym, I checked out the dance room and even brought my iHome! It was occupied by a yoga class though, so...maybe next week?

7. Beach Days!
          -A must, obviously. The only problem so far has been gas. The beach is about a twenty minute drive from my house - talk about gas guzzling!
          -Disclaimer: If you don't live by a beach or a lake, laying out in the sun in your backyard with your favorite book and a glass of lemonade is also a preferable alternative!

8. Outdoor Movie Night.
          -Disclaimer: I realize this only really works if you have a projection machine or something like it...hmmm. See number 9.
       
9. Homemade FORT Movie Night.
         -This just got ten times cooler.


Well, I hope this has been somewhat enlightening to those of you who are looking to spend your summer in a carefree, relaxing, fun way, FREE OF BOREDOM!

6/3/12

A Little Polish

I love painting my nails. I feel like a nail polish junkie. I own a sadly beautiful amount of colors and sometimes enjoy combining them into different color schemes sometimes for fun...who cares if my fingers look weird, I have COLORS on them! Too bad I'm not ambidextrous, or I would be a nail-painting master. Okay, my skills aren't that intense. But! I have developed my own way of getting the the nail looking perfect.

Step 1: File and smooth nails
Step 2: Paint nails, leaving time for each one to dry before applying second or third coats.

now there are two directions to go from here -

DIRECTION A
Step 3: Fall asleep for more than half an hour (making sure your nails aren't touching anything).
Step 4: Wake up and make sure the nails are dry.

DIRECTION B
Step 3: Submerge fingers in cold water for five minutes.
Step 4: Blow dry fingers and nails on cool air.

now the plans come back together -

Step 5: If you are a sloppy painter, like me, and have gotten polish all over your finger, take a shower. The skin will loosen the polish above it and you'll be able to either peel or scrape it off.

BAM. And there you have it. My simple two-direction, five-step action plan for the perfect nail painting job. Happy painting, everyone!!

5/29/12

Another Life.

Okay, enough with the sappy stuff for a while. Seriously, I need a mental break from emotions for now, let's stick with facts and actions, shall we?

Well, I'm back at home in good ol' California and am soaking up the sun like it's my JOB. I am for sure going to have the best tan of my life when I am back in Chicago. Need to show off my naturally browning skin, haters gonna HATE. 


Speaking of jobs, I have both successfully quit my job at Johnny Rockets (praise the lord) and acquired a new job at Osh Kosh B'Gosh in the same shopping center (...awwwwk). Oh well. I should be starting this week sometime, though it's been a little unclear on my boss' part when exactly that will be. 

My dad was also nice enough to buy me a CAR for the summer so I can cart myself around without being an inconvenience to anybody else. It's a 2008 Honda CR-V EX-L, and is a beaut. I am still think of names for her...though it may yet be a him, I haven't quite decided yet.


I just hope this whole job business doesn't take over my life like it did last summer...I earned a ton of money and was never bored, that's for sure, but all the summer fun was sucked away! Well, I'll keep you updated on how the job turns out...my first time in retail! I hope it isn't as bad as most people say. After what I went through last summer, though, I can't really imagine anything worse. 

I'm also going to be a youth theater camp counselor for a six-week period sometime this summer, during which time I'll be working nights at OKB...I'm seriously going to be a zombie during this time...not really sure how I'll be functioning. I am SO excited about this camp though. It's essentially the exact kind of work I hope to be doing at my internship and/or in my career at some point, though this is a little less professional than I envision it to be. For five weeks, the kids do various theater workshops from 9-3 and rehearse for a play they present at the end of the camp. I'm not exactly sure what my tasks will be, but I'm so excited to be doing something theater-related for this summer!!

I also hope to be doing a lot of writing with my free time. First and foremost, this blog needs a major revamping, though I don't know if I can promise as consistent updates as I hoped to. I also have a couple ideas for some short novels I've started working on, but they're still in the very beginning stages. I should really make some kind of daily writing goal for myself to really keep it up. 



So I guess things have kind of fallen into place rather nicely so far at home. I'm going to soak in this scrumptious relaxation period for as long as I can until things start to seriously pick up!


5/22/12

As One Door Closes...

I have this horrible habit of putting off writing posts that are about things that are difficult for me to let go of. For this one, it's been really hard to think of the right words to say. So instead of thinking about some elaborate and structured way in which to write them, I've decided just to write it all out. All the facts. I know I have a pretty amazing year ahead of me, with Chicago, London, and Florence coming, but in order to get there, there are a few things I'll have to overcome first.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but many of the friends I made this past year in college were seniors - some of the best. They're all wonderfully passionate, driven, loving, inspiring, and welcoming people.

Oh lordy, here I go crying again. The littlest things have been setting me off lately. I cried almost the whole drive home from the airport. The latest glee episodes about graduation - forget about it. I used to take a little pride in the fact that my emotions were so under control until I realized that expressing emotions is healthy and relieving. It makes me feel like I'm actually a living, breathing human.

This is what those seniors have helped me realize. That a living, breathing human has emotions. They have wants and needs, passions and pursuits, family obligations and personal desires, and it's okay to express those - all of those. It's okay to have those all at the same time and be one, whole, unique person. Sure, sometimes you have to be a bit of a different person to different people, but that's just the way people communicate. You don't need just ONE way of defining yourself. In fact, that's unhealthy. The more open you are to new people and new experiences, the more you rid yourself of stereotypes and impressions and, overall, I think that makes you a happier person.

I got the tattoo. It's on my foot, and yes, it was very painful. I was delusional for most of it, actually. I'm sure my friends will be making fun of me forever and a day: my cussing them out one second, and telling them how much I love them in the next. The funny thing is that I really, really meant it. Not the cussing, the love, of course. The pain and momentousness of the occasion I never would have been able to endure without them there giving me the support and courage I needed to get it. No, I didn't get it for them or to prove anything to anybody, except myself, I guess. The tattoo I got for reasons only me, myself, and I can explain. But one of those reasons is most definitely the commemoration of my love for these people and of our comradeship. It's a symbol of how grateful I am to them for giving me courage that everybody needs throughout their lives. It's that courage we pull out when faced with confrontation about our identities. The courage that makes us stand up and say "I am who I am and I'm proud of that." I'll think of that every time I look down at this image on my foot, and can guarantee that there's no way in hell I will ever stop striving to achieve my goals and dreams or to becoming the caring, whole-heartedly loving people who inspired me everyday this year.

They've now graduated, and one by one, we each said our painful goodbyes. I can remember each one clear as day, and they still hurt. It hurts to think about the fact that we'll all be scattered across the states next year, and it hurts to think about the fact that I don't know when I'll see them again. But still, I know we will see each other again. Life is long, and certain people come into our lives at certain times to help us in ways we didn't expect. And even though they leave, we carry them with us in our hearts everywhere we go. They become a part of us and are present in the ways they've changed us.






4/24/12

Free to Be Me.


bodies are beautiful. From eyebrows, to necks, to SHOULDers, to bellybuttons, to calves, all the way down to toenails. everything about them. every person's is unique. and though sometimes It's hard to fit into your own skin, once you're able to embrace that beauty in yourself, your skin fits like the best pair of jeans you've ever bought, only better because it's not a physical fit, it's a spiritual one.  And in that sense, there's no "fitting in." rather, a breaking free from that caGE That's been holding you back from your deepest desires, keeping you from the person you've always wanted to be. risk-taker. and you can blame the world for your troubles and point your finger at "the man," but really, you know what you should be pointing iT AT TO Overcome your misery, and that's your skin. that horribly itchy, three-sizes-too-small societal suit your ever-expanding soul's been packed and beaten into time and again. cut it off. but where is that "sacred" image...???

4/22/12

Why Intelligent People Get Tattoos.


Recently, I've been contemplating getting a tattoo.


Honestly, I never thought I'd get one. Like never, I hated the idea of something being so permanent. I used to think to myself, "seriously, someday soon you're going to look at that ugly picture and say, 'wish I hadn't been so drunk that night' or later, you'll look at that sagging image on your body and think, 'what the hell was I thinking?!' I've always liked the idea of getting one. I always thought people who get tattoos are so bold. I secretly wished I was bold like that. I'm not so sure what exactly made me start considering one really, but I am now...I think it's the little bold changes I've been making in my life recently that have been leading up to it. Cartilage piercing, hair dying, nose piercing, New York spring break trip. I hate to say that this is just what "comes next in the process," because that's not necessarily true, though it may seem like it.

I guess my whole view of tattoos changed thanks to friends, and of course, Pinterest. A few of my friends have tattoos, and they got me thinking about the way I view people with tattoos. Yes, I thought people who got them were bold and extreme risk-takers. But, and excuse my former close-mindedness - I was raised in a bubble-like community and an all-girls Catholic school, I also used to think that all people with tattoos were sentimental losers who were going nowhere in life. Well, if that's true, I guess that'll be me soon, haha. But talking with my friends about their tattoos, I really started to admire them! Tattoos can be such a unique and personal art form, part of the beauty of which is in their permanence. 

Right around the time I was having these thoughts, I got a Pinterest account and began seeing some of the most creative, beautiful, and innovative tattoos I'd ever seen. Got me thinking that maybe not all tattoos are tacky and obnoxious...I even started my own board with a few favorites I've seen entitled INK. Check it out!

But I would never get a tattoo for no reason. This is the hardest part to convince people...or maybe myself of. So listen closely, because I never want to say it again. I think the want for one is inspired by this whole "boldness" period of my life. I want to preserve it, this mindset, in a way. I want something permanent that will always remind me of the person I want to be. The confident, grown, adult, BOLD me that I hope to become more and more like everyday. Always learning, always striving, always improving. 




4/14/12

A Glimpse...

...of what is to come?
Well...something incredible has happened.

I, M______ E________ G____, will be spending next year entirely off campus!

This is so exciting. Not that I don't like my campus or anything...but I could definitely use a change of scenery. And what better scenery is there than the best city in the US?

CHICAGO!

Yes, this fall semester, I'll be living, working, studying, breathing, dancing, teeth-brusing, screaming it up in the heart of Chicagoland; then, after four months or so, there will be another magnificent scene-change. Only this time, it'll be much much farther from my small little campus.

Lookout, EUROPE, here I come to study in two of your most beautiful and historical cities known to man: Florence, Italy and London, UK! Ha. Studying, who am I kidding? Vacationing, photographing, soul-searching, anything BUT studying. (jk...but seriously, though).

Wow, I know it's a little early to be saying this, I haven't even gone anywhere yet, but am I a lucky girl or what?! This coming year is going to be epic. It almost scares me a little to think of it. I hope I can handle all of this, really appreciate it, and not let it overwhelm me. Here's to the coming year and slaving over summer to save for it!!


Cherries on the cake? Our dear friends Jessica (Chicago) and Arthur (Chicago & Florence/London) will be joining us on these excursions!

3/30/12

The Best Day of My Life.

Michelle and I decided to make the most of our last full day in NYC. And the most of everything it was! At


740am
we woke up to stand in line for rush tickets for the musical Sister Act. Apparently if you go to the theater when it opens at 10am, they have a limited amount of front row seats you can buy for really cheap! However, people start lining up outside before the theater opens to ensure that they get seats, so we had to be exceptionally early birds to get our award-winning worm. By

8am
we were heading down to Times Square, unshowered, unawake, and unprepared for the cold. We were a seriously pretty sight. There was mist everywhere which only made us look groggier and more disgusting. We were finally in line by

830am,
a full hour and a half before the theater opened, and we were fifth in line! Now, the general rule for lining up for tickets is that if you're not there, waiting in line, you don't get a ticket. This means no saving spots for people who haven't shown up yet. There we were, shivering in our misery, and three girls and a dude join one of the girls in front of us, making us NINTH in line. They got the most awful death glares from everyone. Also a few loud "If I don't get tickets because of them"'s. It was intense.

10am
and we finally get our tickets! Honestly, it was just a relief to be let into the building, it was so cold. But we did! We got tickets!! They were in the front row. For $26.50, and therefore, extraordinary. We arrived back at the apartment, skipping with glee, by

11am
and were dead tired. Michelle decided to take a nap while I explored facebook for a while. And lo and behold! Our dear friend Jessica was online!


We skyped and chatted quietly for a while (everyone else was still asleep) before it was time to get ready. Gradually, the rest of the apartment mates woke up and said hi and got ready for the rest of the day. At

2pm,
we head out to do some real touristy stuff while Matille spent some time with her friends from home.

Neither of us had ever seen the Brooklyn Bridge, so we went there first. It's HUGE! And PRETTY! I can't believe people get to run/bike across that for exercise.

We also went to see the Statue of Liberty but we didn't take the ferry there.


While we were too cheap for historical monuments, we weren't too cheap to get caricatures of ourselves...



ones with beautifully big boobs, too. We were pretty exhausted by the time we got back to the apartment at

530pm,
but we couldn't slow down yet! We had to get ready for Sister Act later that night! We got dressed in our cute outing clothes and were heading to the subway by

6pm
with the intent of eating dinner in Times Square. Halfway to the subway, Michelle asks, "Do you have the tickets?" A sallow face was my only response, and we started trudging our way back to the apartment. Luckily, she volunteered to climb the six flights of stairs to get them (Thanks Miche!!) Soon after that, we decided to just eat some place on our street. We went to this great falafel place across the street, and damn, was it great. Also, I had the best baklava of my life. As we left, stomachs achingly full, we saw the best thing in the world: the Waffles & Dinges truck.If you do not know what this is, I will fill you in. It is the source of all the sunshine and starlight in the galaxy.


It is a truck that serves the best waffles in the world that relocates itself everyday. You have to go online to find out where it will be, and sometimes, if you say the secret word for the day, you get a free topping! We had been seeing it driving around and swearing that before we left, we would necessarily need to get one. We figured it was our last night there - when else would we be able to fulfill this promise?? By this time it was

7pm
and we needed to be hurrying to the theater if we wanted to get there with some time to spare. We grabbed our waffles, slathered with nutella and their homemade secret spread, and speed-walked and ate simultaneously...BAD. HORRIBLY. AWFUL IDEA. Chocolate and sugar started dripping down our hands, and soon after, my face. A woman passed us muttering, "Ew.." to which Michelle replied, "You don't know what you're missin, lady." And she was right.


At the end of the block, I had somehow managed to smear chocolate all over my hands, face, and scarf. Michelle was somehow pristine. Our giggles progressed into hysterics as I tried to clean up with the two napkins I found in my purse. I'm pretty sure people may have thought we were crack-whores, but we didn't care. Our bellies were full of chocolatey warmth and sunshine :)

745pm
We get to the theater, and we're escorted to the front row, where we see the orchestra pit, a rather young and handsome director, and of course, a high, high stage. The lights dim and fabulous blaring sounds of the 70's spring from the pit and the stage. I knew I could get some amazing pictures if I wanted to, but in those first few minutes of the performance, I promised myself I wouldn't. I was going to enjoy the show that was in front of me for the live experience and keep the memory forever engrained in my mind. And forever it shall be! The show was so powerful and affective! Maybe it was the fact that we were sitting in the front row and could literally feel the music and see the actors' spit, maybe it was the fact that Sister Act was one of my favorite movies growing up, maybe it was the catchy beat of the songs, maybe it was the fabulous day I'd been having so far. Whatever it was, I was so affected by this show that I cried almost consistently throughout the second act. It was funny, hopeful, inspiring, sad, sassy; it was phenomenal. After the show, at

1030pm,
"Sister Mary Robert"
Michelle and I laughed about how we just wanted to see the performers so that we could just hug them all. No need for pictures and autographs! We went to the stage door where the actors came out, and we told them all how wonderful they were and thanked them for an amazing night. We got most of their autographs and a couple pictures.The last lady we met played the character Sister Mary Lazarus, an old, raspy rapping nun, and it turned out she went to a college literally 10 minutes form our that has been closed down. Most people now think it's haunted and I've always wanted to go there, but still! She 

"Deloris VanCartier"
graduated in the 70's. She liked us so much that she asked us to wait while she took a quick phone call just so that she could hug us each goodbye. I think we were a little star-struck after this, because all we wanted to do was
goggle and walk around Times Square! For half an hour, all we did was wander around some stores and soak in this last night together, "high on life," as we called it. At one point when we were talking about how awesome our day had been, I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, threw out my arms, and yelled, "Michelle, HUG ME!" It was such a special day, and I don't think I could have shared it with anyone else! At

11pm 
we realized we should probably be getting back. When we got back to the apartment, though, there was a party going on. It was fun for a little while, but kind of crowded, so we decided to go down to the street where we seriously contemplated getting tattoos. We eventually decided to go back to Times Square; we just didn't want the day to end. There wasn't much open at this time, but we managed to find a little cafe at around

1am
and just sat and talked about life and love and happiness :) This trip really gave us a chance to bond, which I'm so grateful for. Even though the majority of my friends this year are seniors and will be graduating in a month or so, it's days like these that make my meeting them so worthwhile; each of them, Michelle especially on this occasion, have made a significant impact on my life, and I'm a better, happier person for knowing every one of them. It's a select group of people who you can be around for over 20 hours (we didn't get back until around

3am)
and enjoy every moment of it!

3/16/12

Break Adventures!

Sitting on a bus back to New York from Boston. It's been a fabulous trip this far!

 Since we left Friday night, we've travelled a total of 28 hours long distance



lived in a stranger's small (but awesome) apartment, 
almost become friends with the mouse (Lucy) that lives there, 





climbed a total of 825 stairs in this apartment building alone, 
managed in an extremely bipolar shower, 


seen three celebrities, 


(Diane Kruger from National Treasure!)

seen an off-brodway show,

 learned how to navigate the city, 


discovered cute hole in the wall shops and markets, 
shopped ALOT, 


napped and picnicked in Central Park, 


been incredibly thrifty and healthy, 

and toured around Boston. 



I've been enjoying every second of it!
...well, maybe not every second.


Monday night, we went out to Chinese food. I thought I'd try something new; I figured I like fried rice, and I like curry, so curry fried rice sounded beyond delicious. And it was. Then, we went to this incredible dessert place called Serendipity. It's famous for their frozen hot chocolate, holding the Guiness world record for largest sundae (must be ordered two whole days in advance and costs a thousand dollars), and for being in the movie Serendipity.


By the time we got back to the apartment, I was STUFFED. I got up at a decent hour the next morning, took a shower, did my hair, got all dressed and ready to go. I made a sandwich for lunch and sat there staring at it. I didn't want to eat it...it was like my stomach was still full from the night before. And it was hurting. I laid back down on the bed in all kinds of positions thinking it was just gas or some other weird thing. It was getting to be time to go, so I tried going to the bathroom, but I couldn't! I ended up forcing myself to throw up a little, telling myself I'd feel better after. But I didn't; I felt worse! I spent about fifteen minutes vacillating about whether or not to go out with my friends, but eventually I decided I should just stay at the apartment and see what was wrong with me. As they were leaving, I rushed past them to the bathroom and started puking my guts out.

Oooooh that's what it is. Food poisoning. This was not going to be a good day.

I laid down on the bed and tried to get some rest. I was starting to feel a little better a couple hours later when my friend Michelle came back to check on me. I was feeling considerably better, so I got dressed, ate my sandwich (I was so hungry!), and we head out for a thrift store we'd searched for the night before. A twelve minute walk; simple enough, right? WRONG. We get to the thrift store which looked really awesome, and one of our other friends told us we needed to walk back. The thought of walking all that way again made me feel queasy. More than queasy, sick...I started pacing back and forward in front of the store, bending over, salivating. Something was going to happen and it wasn't going to be good. I finally bent over and threw up in the middle of the street. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. Let me tell you, the moment excrements come out of your body in the middle of a street in NYC is the moment when all your dignity gets thrown out the window. "Congratulations, Michelle. You have now seen me at my absolute worst," is what I said when I was done. We couldn't help but crack up, it was embarrassingly hilarious. We walked by a UPS guy who watched the whole thing while waiting to get buzzed into a building and he said, "Feel better?" Ohhh, the shame. I threw up once more before we got back to the apartment (in a restaurant bathroom this time, don't worry.)

Climbing the six flights of stairs back at our apartment was no walk in the park either. It's always shitty, but I honestly don't know how I didn't throw up after making it all the way to the top. I still felt like absolute crap, so I went back to sleep for a couple hours until my friend woke me up for... ba ba da ba ba baaaaaa! Our show!! I had been looking forward to it for the whole week, and I was not going to let this stop me from going. If I had to run to the bathroom every half hour, I was going. Luckily, I did not have to do this, haha. I was pretty much emptied out by then and decided not to eat anything else for the rest of the day. I was so glad of this because I was able to thoroughly enjoy the show!f

Last week, I told my directing professor that I was taking a trip to New York with friends for spring break, and I had completely forgotten that he'd just finished directing a play there during the first half of the semester! When he heard I was going to New York, he asked if I wanted to see his show and offered to get me tickets to see it! The show is called Rutherford & Son; it's playing at the Mint Theater off-Broadway, and it was truly great. I was actually surprised how invested in it I was since the time period, the costumes, and the problems were pretty plain, but that's how you can tell it's been directed well: if it still keeps your attention.

I basically idolize this man, Rick Corley. His depth and knowledge of theater literally astounds me; my goal in life is to BE him, haha. Honestly, though, he is extremely talented, and very worth meeting, taking a class with, or seeing a show directed by. He directed a show at our school last year that was, in my opinion...a little too ahead of the college student's maturity level. Not that it was raunchy or whatever (come to think of it, that would be the perfect level of maturity for a college student), it was just very adult, sophisticated, and complex. But that's Rick, though - adult, sophisticated, complex, and ambitious.


Hope everyone's spring breaks are going well! 
Happy spring!